Top 5 Dead People To Spend Halloween With

29 Oct

For this week’s Top Five List we wanted to do something Halloween related. After considering some passable lists such as scariest movie scenes or favorite movies to watch for Halloween, David’s wife thought of a brilliant idea: a top five list of dead actors, directors, writers, composers, or anyone else in the movie business, who we would want to reanimate for Halloween. So there you go. Here are the Top Five Dead Movie People We Would Want to Raise From The Dead To Spend Halloween With.

DAVID’S LIST

Five people that I would want to come back from the dead to hang out with me on Halloween. This is a fun list. There are so many people that I could put on this list. I would actually like my party to consist of more than five people. Maybe I can combine it with Lara’s party halfway through the evening.

5. Mako

Mako

Mako

This man played some of my favorite roles over the years, and if he came to the party than he could act all of them out for us. I haven’t quite decided if I want this to be a costume party, or if the fact that everyone there is actually dead is enough. If it is a costume party, then he could dress up as any part he had ever played and I would be happy. I would be thrilled if he was the narrator from Conan: The Barbarian or Aku from Samurai Jack.

4. Cary Grant

Cary Grant

Cary Grant

No one is cooler than Cary Grant. I’m sure everyone has figured out how much I love this man by now. Both entries of “Old Time Movies for Our Time People” that I have contributed have been Cary Grant movies. He’s just so cool. My party would automatically be cool if he was in attendance. I mean, look at that guy. Who looks cooler than that? No one. And he would probably show up in one of those awesome 1950’s suits that he always wore. Good thing there’s no girls on this list, cause if Cary Grant was there I wouldn’t get to talk to any of them.

3. Ricardo Montalbán

Ricardo Montalban

Ricardo Montalbán

Obviously, this is not how Ricardo always looked. In fact, he might not even show up to the party like this. But I sure hope he would. I will always remember this man for playing Khan in Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan and in the original Star Trek series. If he came to my party acting like Khan and demanding things the entire time it would be great. It might get annoying after a while, but it would totally be worth it. Every second of it.

2. Boris Karloff

Boris Karloff

Boris Karloff

No undead Halloween party would be complete if the master of the undead himself wasn’t there. I don’t care what Karloff came as; it would be great. He could be Frankenstein’s monster, the Mummy, himself; it would all be perfect. And he would talk in that incredible voice. Just imagine the narrator of How The Grinch Stole Christmas! asking you if you would like some more punch with your Halloween cake. Pure Halloween bliss.

1. Brandon Lee

Brandon Lee

Brandon Lee

Who would be better on this list than Brandon Lee? I can’t think of anyone. Obviously, this has more than a lot to do with The Crow. Let’s just get that out of the way right now. I’m not ashamed to admit that. It’s my favorite movie. I’m very sad that he died while making it. One time I got James O’Barr (he wrote the comic the movie was based on) to sign my movie poster. He looked at it for a minute and then signed it, paused, and drew a halo around Brandon Lee’s head. I literally got chills. It’s possible that I gasped loud enough for everyone around me to hear. And I wasn’t even embarrassed. If Brandon Lee came to my party I would show him the poster and tell him the story. I bet he would think it’s really cool.

LARA’S LIST

Okay, I did my list a little bit differently. I, for some reason or another, got it in my head that we were bringing people back from the dead for a Halloween release date, horror film. But I suppose it’s all the same. So here’s my unconventional list.

Let’s first start with a little role playing. I, Lara, am the nervous, amateur screenwriter who hopes to cast myself as the lead girl. And you, reader, are the studio executive who has the ability to bring people back from the dead, apparently.
5. Stanley Kubrick, what with his touch of movie horror, will direct.

Stanley Kubrick

Stanley Kubrick

Though I’ve heard he’s a nightmare to work with, no one else will do, because no one else’s movies come as close to making me pee in my pants as his do. It will be a sort of The Shining meets The Ghost and Mr. Chicken film. I realize Kubrick doesn’t do much comedy, but he can try his hand at it. I mean, he’s been dead for ten years, surely he’s learned a thing or two about slapstick in Purgatory.

4. Jerry Goldsmith will compose.

Jerry Goldsmith

Jerry Goldsmith

In this film I want the music to have the classicism of The Twilight Zone, the tensity of Alien, and the kooky creepiness of Gremlins. I think Jerry, who composed all of those movies, will be able to accomplish that just fine. And to mix it up for the 21st Century he’ll collaborate with DJ AM in order to make it attractive to today’s youth as well as pump the movie full of heavy, eerie beats.

Okay. So we’ve got the behind-the-scenes stuff done. Now let’s look at the story. The film opens on Halloween night. Sally (played by me) is getting her costume on in preparation for the night’s festivities. We see shaky, first person camera work behind her and hear heavy breathing. Sally is oblivious. She puts the finishing touches on her Pippi Longstocking braids (we’re going to have to get the rights to that) and closes her bathroom mirror. SCREAM! A man is standing behind her! But don’t worry, it’s just her boyfriend:

3. Heath Ledger as Johnny Cottondale (the slightly douchey dreamboat).

Heath Ledger

Heath Ledger

Dressed in the most awesomely scary Joker costume. He laughs at her freight and tells her not to worry, dollcake. She calms. They go out to do some much-too-old trick-or-treating and then come across The Old Barlburry House. Johnny tells Sally old tales he heard about the house being haunted. Nobody’s. Ever. Made. It. Out. Alive. Johnny walks up to the house. In true, stereotypical fashion, Sally hides behind a bush and screams for him to CUT IT OUT. Johnny is closing in on the door to the rickety old house when out rushes:

2. Don Knotts as String Bean Jean (the nerdy, hilarious sidekick).

Don Knotts

Don Knotts

Jean got locked in the house by some frat boys earlier that day and just finally managed to escape his wedgy-on-a-hook. “Let’s get out of here!” he warbles. But for some reason that’s lost on the viewer he gets talked into going in The Old Barlburry House. Maybe Johnny forces him because he’s the only one who knows what it’s like in there. Maybe he has a crush on Sally and wants to impress her. Maybe there’s a treasure in the attic. Somehow he, along with Sally and Johnny, ends up inside the haunted mansion. With scary/hilarious/sexy results! After an hour or so of Things Popping Out and Scary Images, the three get separated from each other. Johnny’s in the kitchen. String Bean Jean is in the bathroom (of course!) Sally is nowhere to be seen. Until they hear a scream. Coming from… the attic! They race up and see Sally tied to the self-playing piano. Out from the shadows comes:

1. Vincent Price as Cornelius X. Barlburry (the badguy).

Vincent Price

Vincent Price

Desiring revenge! For, even though they are obviously years and years younger than him, somehow Johnny and Sally damaged his psyche when he was a young child. And now they will finally have their just reward. And so will String Bean Jean. Just because. Johnny lunges at Cornelius and gets knocked down by a falling chandelier. String Bean Jean nearly wets himself in terror, but then remembers a flashback of Cornelius in which he revealed his weakness and/or Jean’s own useless talent and uses it to defeat the bad guy. Good triumphs over evil! He unties Sally, splashes some water on Johnny, and, wearing their battle wounds proudly, the three of them exit. “Next year, let’s stay home.” Hahaha. Lighthearted fun. THEN a quick shot of Cornelius X. Barlburry opening his eyes.

“To be continued…”

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One Response to “Top 5 Dead People To Spend Halloween With”

  1. Charlie Bucket October 29, 2009 at 6:00 pm #

    it sounds like a good movie. I only hope there’s a sexy scene with Vincent Price, or am I out of line? He’s so hot.

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