David opened up a discussion last week by asking “Who is the best Santa Claus?” I can’t really answer that. I don’t have enough years of wisdom to pass judgment on who best captures the spirit of Saint Nick, with his pure heart and jelly belly, especially because I’ve never seen Miracle on 34th Street. With twenty-two years of life under my belt, I can, however, tell you which Santa Claus has the best facial hair.
Tim Allen’s rendition of Santa Claus from The Santa Clause. No, the beard doesn’t look exceptional, it’s not as though it has more of a curl or a bounce that put all the other Santas to shame. The thing to marvel at is the miraculous nature of this particular beard. It grows in a mere few seconds. It’s like a freaking Chia pet. No other Santa–make that no other person–I know of in film history has facial hair with a mind of its own. And for that I give accolades and figgy pudding to Scott Calvin/Santa Claus. Wait, I take that back, I give accolades and figgy pudding to Scott Calvin/Santa Claus’ beard.
Glad my leg hair doesn’t grow with a similar vigor and speed,