How Robert Rodriguez Saved My Life

12 May

To me movies are akin to church. The trailers are the welcoming announcements. The sharing of popcorn is the theater goer’s Communion. The score, be it too showy or beautifully understated, is the worship music. And the core of the movie itself is a sermon. If it is well-crafted, it will stay in your mind, causing you to live and think differently.

The pastor who recently helped me out in a potentially life-altering dilemma was Mr. Robert Rodriguez. A few years ago he created the highly uplifting, underrated Planet Terror. In this B-film gun expert, El Wray (Freddy Rodriguez), tells stripper, Cherry Darling (Rose McGowan), what to do if a deer ever darts out in front of her car:

(This clip, just like the movie, is rated R for swearing and super-violence).

Wray:  If you’re driving out here at 70 miles an hour, and a deer darts out in front of you… If you blink or brake or swerve, shit, you’ll just kill yourself.

Cherry: So what do you do?

Wray: You just pick it off, like this. Send it flying away from you.

Cherry: Unacceptable.

Wray: Not really, it’s a clear case of you or him.

Cherry: Or her.

Cherry Darling and El Wray.

If you couldn’t guess where this was going, I will enlighten you: this weekend while I was driving my friend’s car at 70 miles an hour outside of Abilene, Texas, a deer ran out into the road right in front of us. At the moment that I saw the poor little doe I thought, “I Pastor Robert Rodriguez was right.” I didn’t blink, break, or swerve. I kept on driving. I picked off the luckless animal so as not to kill myself and my friends. After the deer exploded and ricocheted off the front guard, I was able to pull off to the side of the road and see that my Kathryn and Jessa were all fine.

The only reason I knew to do this was because of Planet Terror. No one ever gave me tips, I didn’t Wikipedia it, I just heard it in a movie. It stuck with me and it saved my life. So, the moral of the story is to watch as many movies as you can and believe everything they say.

Glad I had useless talent number 81,



3 Responses to “How Robert Rodriguez Saved My Life”

  1. breadtobeeaten May 13, 2010 at 2:22 am #

    I’m so so so glad you’re alive. And I’m so glad you said movies=life changing experience from “On High”. YES.

  2. Val May 14, 2010 at 9:44 am #

    DANG, Uterus! That’s insanity! But you rocked it out on the fly– way to go.

    Maybe this should be a top 5 list? Things we learned how to do from movies– yes?

    • CintusSuprimus May 14, 2010 at 3:53 pm #

      Genius! David and I really like that idea. Oh and by the way, we’re also going to use your suggestion of talking about the DVD fusion process– we just have yet to get a DVD case… or anything to put the TV on…

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