Lara’s Solo Review of Piranha 3D

13 Sep

A naked underwater ballet. Pre-historic piranhas. Computer generated genitals. Christopher Lloyd. These are just some of the things you can find in Piranha 3D. I’m not exactly sure where to even go from there… perhaps those four sentences will fully suffice as a review. However the film in question is much too fun and perplexing to leave it at that.

Like the review of Inception, I will try to say as little about the plot as possible, however in this case it is not because of a brilliantly conceived story, but instead the complete lack of one: co-eds on spring break in a lake, rampaging pre-historic piranhas, lady parts and blood everywhere. After reading the last sentence, you, like me, may think, “What more could I want in a movie? This could not possibly go wrong.”

Well, my friend, you are wrong. And right… Maybe a little of both… That is to say I still don’t exactly know how I feel about Piranha 3D, which is why it has taken me two weeks to get around to writing a review of it. Let me get down to my main feelings towards it: I laughed hysterically throughout and found it to be an enjoyable romp, however it was really dumb. Like, really dumb. And I know that is the most simplistic (even dumb) way to put it, but that’s exactly how I felt after leaving the theater. I was never challenged; there was no tact or intelligence in it like one might find in a Robert Rodriguez gore-fest. Instead of being satirical homage to 1970’s spring break flicks as I hoped, it felt more like a straight-up spoof film. Piranha 3D’s ranking amongst others of its spoof genre is not to the level of genius of Drag Me To Hell, nor is it as God-awful as Walk Hard. However, the film is not attempting subtlety in the least. Should I blame the Alexandre Aja, the director, for my thoughts going into the viewing? I may have thought it was going to be a little cleverer, but I still had a great amount of fun watching the movie. It was campy to extremes I’ve rarely seen before. And it seems as though Aja was just trying to get away with using as many buckets of blood and breast shots as was allowed by the MPAA.

The always-beautiful, though I’m not exactly sure how talented, Jessica Szohr.

The worst of the movie, however, was not the over-indulgence of gore and nudity, nor was it the poorly lit shots: it was the characters. As to be expected, every person on screen is a full-blown horror-flick stereotype (though it was sorely lacking in the hilarious black friend category), but somehow they were more obnoxious than usual. I’m 99% positive that the lead and his siblings were cast because of their deficiency in any sort of acting abilities. Every single line that came out of one of the Forester kids’ mouths was unbelievable. And laughable. The performances by Christopher Lloyd, Ving Rhames, and Richard Dreyfuss, on the other hand, were all inspired, though not really capitalized on.

Attempting to not sound like I am bipolar, I don’t mean any of the above comments to be full on complaints… more of me taking a stab at sorting out my feelings towards a very silly movie. And that’s what it was: silly. Entertaining, but ridiculous. If you enjoy over-the-top violence and use of nakedness, this is the film for you. For all the rest of you out there, maybe skip this one.

Wondering how much I’d appreciate it if on the second go-round I watch it while under the influence of alcohol,



2 Responses to “Lara’s Solo Review of Piranha 3D”

  1. Noni September 13, 2010 at 5:55 pm #

    Since I’m not into gore or boobs; I doubt that I’ll waste my time on this film. I get frustrated when there’s a lack of story or intelligent characters. Great review though Lara!

  2. carly cram September 24, 2010 at 11:25 pm #

    you make it sound like an apple bee’s appetizer at midnight. I shouldn’t do it, but I know i might… if you know what i mean?

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