Lara’s Solo Top 5 WTF Songs in Christmas Movies

24 Dec

Merry Christmas Eve, everyone!  Oh, and happy belated Chanukah and soon-to-be Kwanzaa to all of our Jewish/African-American/Politically-Correct readers out there. In honor of the holiday spirit and stress still filling the air, I will treat you with a Solo Top Five List: The Most WTF Songs in Christmas Movies. Have you ever been watching a Christmas film and suddenly find yourself bombarded with an awkwardly placed or worded song? Did it make you jeer rather than cheer? You are not alone my friend. Let’s celebrate that feeling together.

FIVE MOST WTF SONGS IN CHRISTMAS MOVIES

5. “Where Are You Christmas?” performed by Taylor Momsen, How the Grinch Stole Christmas (2000).

This lone ballad almost fits with the rest of the movie, due to this story’s lack of stability. There’s upturned noses, upturned noses, Christmas decoration battles, more upturned noses, a weird Grinch origin story, and BAM Cindy Lou-Who is poorly warbling about her world changing in a manner suited for a mid-life crisis. Oh and the song is Terrible.

4. “Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas!” by John Williams, Home Alone 2.

No matter how many times I have watched Kevin get lost in New York, I am never prepared for the “MERRY CHRISTMAS! MERRY CHRISTMAS!” that is featured during the credits. Though I will never say an ill word to anything John has touched, I prefer children singing about “gingerbread feelings” than a choir of grown ups shouting at me to “welcome the wintry season.”

3. “You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch” performed by Boris Karloff, How the Grinch Stole Christmas! (1966).

I do not wish to imply that I have any negative feelings towards this diddy. It is one of the best Christmas songs ever. However, that does not keep it from being one of the most bizarro songs of all time. In a film otherwise taken directly from the words of Dr. Seuss, stands this song, with original lyrics and no apparent rhyme scheme. And what is a “naus,” anyway?

2. “Hot Chocolate” performed by Tom Hanks, The Polar Express.

I go so back and forth on this movie. There’s beautiful cinematography, one of the best scores, and it truly captures the spirit of Christmas. But! It also has children that look dead in the face, a creepy hobo-ghost, and a much too long second act. The hot chocolate scene is a perfect illustration of The Polar Express. Yay! There’s Tom Hanks! Boo! He’s singing a weird song about hot chocolate while men perform outlandish gymnastics!

1. “C-I-N-C-I-N-N-A-T-I” performed by Keanu Reeves, Drew Barrymore, Jill Schoelen, and Googy Gress, Babes in Toyland (1986).

I’ve heard that in the original TV special there was a myriad of musical numbers, but in the tape I always watched growing up, there was only one. The Cincinnati song. It is so brilliant in it’s bizarreness: it comes out of nowhere, it’s terribly lip-synched, has almost nothing to do with the plot, and it ends with Drew Barrymore flying backwards out of a jeep. Seriously. WTF?

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2 Responses to “Lara’s Solo Top 5 WTF Songs in Christmas Movies”

  1. Susan Graham December 24, 2010 at 10:08 pm #

    The original has LOTS of songs! I used to watch it at my Nanny’s house every Christmas. And Holiday Inn. & Let It Snow! & other old movies in which people sing. You get it.

  2. Louisa December 27, 2010 at 9:44 am #

    LOVE the Cincinnati song…it’s the only way I can remember to spell that word. Other favorite part of Babes in Toyland: when Drew Barrymore totally flashes her granny underwear while climbing into the Toymaster’s sleigh.

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