Hey baby, how have you been? Oh is that so? Really? I told you, Becky is a huge bitch. Look I’m going to cheer you up right now. You ready for this? Good. Turn on Netflix and type these words into the search field, ‘The Cabin in the Woods’. Now hit play.
That’s right; the glorious sorta kinda horror movie The Cabin in the Woods is on Netflix. If you didn’t catch this in theaters you are in for a treat. Sadly, I cannot go into more detail as I don’t want to spoil the goodness, but just trust me, there is much goodness.
Imma gonna have to be real with you all for a second. I’ve been crying for like 5 days straight. I got a bad case of the feels, ya feel me? I’m going to tell you why I got these feels but just, just be ready. You see what had happened was, I got in one of my Netflix moods. The kinda mood where nothing looks good. You’ve been there, we all have. I started my 5th viewing of How I Met Your Mother, but even with that, I wanted something else. So, I fell back on my ‘go to’ films; Emotional Sports Documentaries. I let Netflix decide what I would watch; I let it suggest something to me without laughing at its poor taste. So with that, I watched Undefeated. A simple tale of a high school football team in Tennessee. It was like watching every episode of Friday Night Lights at once. My body couldn’t handle it. The tears flowed. Two moments, and you will know when they hit, two moments that I’m pretty sure beat having children.
Have you ever fought a five foot tall demonic penis? No? Let me tell you, you are missing out. It’s like watching Tremors only you are fighting a penis. Penis. Todd and the Book of Evil is a pro at fighting demonic penises…peni. Imagine if you took Idle Hands, 4chan, Superbad, Metal, and Canada. That’s this show and it’s glorious. It’s on Netflix and it deserves your eyeballs. You will laugh, you will cry, and you will be amazed at the amount of B movie style horrorgoremetalsexstuff the show gets away with.
Safety Not Guaranteed. Time travel + Aubrey Plaza. Oh and it’s pretty funny. Netflix
Times are a changin. YouTube used to be a place for cat videos, kids hitting their dads in the nuts, and Nickleback videos. Now you can find content of such incredible quality, you will wonder how it’s only a webseries and not a part of like, NBC’s rotating Thursday prime time viewing or something. Drone just won a Streamy award for effects and it does not dissapoint. Here is the trailer, whole show is on the same channel:
STRIKE FIRST. STRIKE HARD. NO MERCY.
The Karate Kid. We all love it. If you are too young to have seen it and you are just now hearing about it, well, your parents should have made sweet love sooner.
If you started watching The West Wing based on my recommendations, I’m sorry. I didn’t know what happened during season 5. I didn’t know the writers got drunk, turned into spiteful assholes, then wrote season 5. I just don’t understand how you take such an enjoyable cast and make them all unlikable.
The big news is that the Netflix original series House of Cards starring Kevin Spacey is up. Not only is it up in the sense that you can watch the first episode, no no, Netflix put the whole series up. It does some neat things here and there, yet at times the whole thing feels really forced. Still, Mr. Spacey kills it and there are far worse things you could being watching.
Netflix be slackin, yo. I mean there are some new things to be seen, don’t get me wrong. But I haven’t heard of any of them, so that more or less makes them terrible. Not First Kid with Sinbad terrible, but terrible.
I do need to apologize, I told the world to watch Butter two weeks ago. I am so, so sorry. I didn’t realize how terrible it was. Still though, butter sculptures. Nothing says swag like butter sculptures. Swag.
Ok, Netflix, you had your chance. To the rest of the internet!
THIS IS NOT ON NETFLIX. THANK GOODNESS.
Let us quickly talk game trailers. First, I will address their greatest flaw, they are not The West Wing. Seriously, are you watching it? Pony up and turn it on. Anyway, game trailers are as much an art form as film trailers and this week we have been blessed.
Not only do we have the opening cinematic for the new Starcrat 2: Heart of the Swarm,
but we also have the cinematic trailer for The Elder Scrolls Online.
Both of these are fantastic and will make you want full length versions.